It's not an excuse, it's a situation.

Right now, I'm going through some things, and I thought I would write how I'm feeling at the moment:

It's 5 minutes to 2; This chowda I'm eating tastes like sweetened oatmeal with carnation milk - well, I'd like to think it's chowda... it's weird how much sweetened oatmeal with a hint of carnation milk could look so similar to chowda! Am I even spelling that right?

It's 2 now, and it's Wednesday. There's a place I should be on Wednesdays. There are places within that place that I should be on Wednesdays. I'm supposed to be at those places during specific times. I'm obligated to go to these places, because I'm paying for the place I should be on Wednesdays, the places within that place, and the knowledge teachers who teach in those places.
And if this is the case... if I have somewhere I should be right now, why am I still at home?

I don't make excuses for myself. I'm either aware of something, or I'm not. I'm a child in that sense. Technically, we're all children in some form, and sometimes my awareness is the infant in me. That being said, let's put together a list of things that I'm aware of concerning this particular situation:

1. I'm lazy by nature
   
2. I value sleep more than anything (maybe even before money)
3. I live an hour and a half away
4. My circumstances are not in my favor (in terms of moolage)
5. There's absolutely no way around this unless I win jackpot at the casino, meaning I'll probably be working to pay back not only my school, but OSAP as well, meaning the future looks quite bleak.
6. I'm totally and wholly alone (thanks to generations of bitches).

Looking at the future makes me feel like anything I do now, won't necessarily make the biggest difference later on. My grades are average, they're not the problem. It's the other portion of school that's screwing me over.

I didn't do this to myself! The universe did it to me!
And now I just want to get out of it so I could do what I was meant to do here, which was somehow get to a place of prominence in my career, so I would have a good influence in the world and the people of tomorrow! Geez...

The first step in doing this is by letting go of the past - we're gradually getting there.
The second step is to focus on the present - I'll be reading over my philosphy lecture notes soon.
The third step is to conserve - will do, after the birthday celebrations.
The fourth step is to go with the flow - because I'm on a path, and my path will lead me to my destination, yes?

It's now 2:35pm. I had to be somewhere 5 minutes ago.