Psyc Test #4

My last psychology test of the year is tomorrow.

At around 4pm, I will have either bought a ticket for a trip on the Titanic (where I'll die a traumatically cold and watery death), or a ticket to New York ("concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothing you can't do").

Yes, at around 4pm tomorrow, I will know whether I'm:

• changing schools
• changing programs within my current school
• figuring out whether I'll be going to school in January or September
• eating pizza at the SCC... can't think of anything else...

You get the point - my life will change at around 4pm tomorrow afternoon.

I'm studying like hell right now to make sure I really indulge in this information.

My mission this day, night, and tomorrow's day, is to make myself one with my psychology text, using that scary braid at the back of my head that connects to birds, horses, and other mammals/entities, like in Avatar.

And through this bond, I will ace my exam.

Through God's Eye's

It's this smile I'll remember forever <3

The way we feel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9x0--3sCN8E

It's not an excuse, it's a situation.

Right now, I'm going through some things, and I thought I would write how I'm feeling at the moment:

It's 5 minutes to 2; This chowda I'm eating tastes like sweetened oatmeal with carnation milk - well, I'd like to think it's chowda... it's weird how much sweetened oatmeal with a hint of carnation milk could look so similar to chowda! Am I even spelling that right?

It's 2 now, and it's Wednesday. There's a place I should be on Wednesdays. There are places within that place that I should be on Wednesdays. I'm supposed to be at those places during specific times. I'm obligated to go to these places, because I'm paying for the place I should be on Wednesdays, the places within that place, and the knowledge teachers who teach in those places.
And if this is the case... if I have somewhere I should be right now, why am I still at home?

I don't make excuses for myself. I'm either aware of something, or I'm not. I'm a child in that sense. Technically, we're all children in some form, and sometimes my awareness is the infant in me. That being said, let's put together a list of things that I'm aware of concerning this particular situation:

1. I'm lazy by nature
   
2. I value sleep more than anything (maybe even before money)
3. I live an hour and a half away
4. My circumstances are not in my favor (in terms of moolage)
5. There's absolutely no way around this unless I win jackpot at the casino, meaning I'll probably be working to pay back not only my school, but OSAP as well, meaning the future looks quite bleak.
6. I'm totally and wholly alone (thanks to generations of bitches).

Looking at the future makes me feel like anything I do now, won't necessarily make the biggest difference later on. My grades are average, they're not the problem. It's the other portion of school that's screwing me over.

I didn't do this to myself! The universe did it to me!
And now I just want to get out of it so I could do what I was meant to do here, which was somehow get to a place of prominence in my career, so I would have a good influence in the world and the people of tomorrow! Geez...

The first step in doing this is by letting go of the past - we're gradually getting there.
The second step is to focus on the present - I'll be reading over my philosphy lecture notes soon.
The third step is to conserve - will do, after the birthday celebrations.
The fourth step is to go with the flow - because I'm on a path, and my path will lead me to my destination, yes?

It's now 2:35pm. I had to be somewhere 5 minutes ago.

Have you really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know it deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
And give her wings - when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
till you know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
you tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really -
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...

Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?

A beauty of words.

Song Writer

I'll be a song writer and write a song. An angry song. Soon.

Words of Wisdom

This picture originally started out as a random "before I go to work" shot, but after realizing how fugsly I kind of looked, and how cool this picture could have been, I opted for sick editing and socially conscious words.

Hell Yeah.

Supah Blue Eskiimo

The world shalt know the truth of my identity...

........

Things We Feel

The thought of feeling something you can't touch; love - music - the beat of a drum - a guitar riff - flow of the bass. Crazy, eh?

Mvb makes fun of my frequnt use of the word eh.

This song (the Trio version) makes me feel something I can't touch, but I feel it.

"Something's Missing" - JM3

There's People Like Me Out There

Apparently, I'm not the only one going through some issues!

LeMarc has a heap of heartbreak on his plate, and man oh man did he outlet to me today! It was so intense that I took a nap after (haha). Only difference is that he's going through an unrequited love type situation, and I lost a friend (although I'm sure he looks at me like a girlfriend of sorts still).

Gonna try and enlighten him a bit tomorrow with my knowledge. It could be the first step in helping this world - as funny as that sounds; he may possibly be one in the many that I may help get to a place where they understand that life is much bigger than one situation. Not to that we're so young and he's not really in love, he's just really horny for this girl (lmao). Just kidding. I don't know the story yet, but the update will be here.

He's in that flex where he thinks he doesn't want to love again - like me, but I'll convince him to not let fear run his life. If fear ran our lives, Obama wouldn't be president, I wouldn't have been born, etc, etc. And now, time to get back to work!

Smile

I think this will help. I'm going to learn it, and start singing it:

Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

-Charlie Chaplin, 1936.