I don’t know why I fear so much. There’s so much that happens in the world that makes you want to escape. Fortunately for me, I live in Canada, specifically, Toronto; a place where diversity is a mainstay and is more or less accepted.
Growing up in this diversity becomes sort of like a shell for me. The places I’ve been in the world (including parts of Canada) have been somewhat like this city I live in, and so I automatically assume that everywhere is like this, because realistically, it’s all I’ve ever known.
And when I hear of the violence against women in Congo, the civil disputes between Hindu’s and Muslim’s in the Middle East, the governmental wrong doings in northern Asia, and the acts of hate that still go on in the States, I think to myself, where do I escape? How do I escape? Do I turn a blind eye and pretend like it didn’t happen? Do I occupy myself with artificial placebos?
But the reality is that there is no escape. At the end of the day before I go to bed, on my hour and a half train ride back home from York, walking to Bourbon from work to get food on my break, I’m always thinking. And what I’m thinking about always is injustice. And it’s not fair. It’s not FAIR. Everything that happens to people in this world that was once so beautiful, it’s tragic. As of late, I’ve been preoccupied in my own fears, which have been driving me crazy, and it was only a mere few words that Mvb said to me yesterday that drove me somewhat off the edge to the realization that I’ve been thinking too much. Too much about one topic, when there’s so many more to think about. But I can’t think about all of them at the same time. And the way I’m thinking, it’s too negative, too fearful. I need to think more positively, and more hopeful, or else I’ll destroy myself from my own thought.
In this crazy world, all you have is love. Love is happiness. I have love, and I am happy, but my children... I need a better world for them. I need to try to make this a better world, for them. Xander... I need this to be a better world for him. My family, my friends, all of my loved ones and their loved ones whom I care about, I want this world to be better for them, because I worry too much.
All I can do is what I can, and I only pray that things will get better. And I know they are.
