I've noticed that during stressful times, my mood is less flexible.
I'm easily irritated by habits that would I would normally brush off.
My current and most immediate stress's is my exam and interview for Gap coming up. It's not to say that I'm more aggressive, I'm just a little more edgy, and usually more sarcastic. I also can't handle bullshit for as long as I normally do; Stupidity, slowness, dry humour - don't try it with me around this time, the dry humour part. Someone can't help being slow or stupid lol.
My inspiration for this blog comes from my recent experience with vulnerability.
All I wanted was to hear that I was wanted. From you.
The level of care grows, and with the growth, the expressions of this care become stronger, more voluntary. That's the key word: Voluntary. If there was more voluntary effort I wouldn't want validation. And I know it, but to hear it once in a while is nice too.
The vulnerability makes me feel bare. As if someone could hurt me. I think that at the heart of it is that this person could hurt me. So this vulnerable feeling won't ever go away until...
Tin never wonders, because Son always delivers his care in a beautiful gift box rapped in the finest ribbon. I want a Son. He would ask why, but it would be so nice to hear and feel constant validation for at least a little, just to feel secure. All I want is security.
I mean, I'm lucky to have something special like this, but I don't feel secure as much as I should, so when I ask someone to reaffirm that they still feel the way I think they do, and it doesn't get done for whatever reason, and then there's no effort otherwise, it hurts a bit. Call back, drive over, take them out, give them a gift, send them a e-card, do something, just don't do nothing.
I didn't get my validation today, one that I requested.
And after me bringing up something I wish I didn't, I distracted everyone, and in the end I was left with my own regret and now sorrow (although, now I'm tired).
I just want someone to validate and secure whatever we have. I hope I get this soon.
Kevin Jonas is in the height of his right now actually; He's getting married to his long-time girlfriend. I know, they can't wait any longer. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. That's all he's thinking about.
